Love: As a Concept.
Love.
Believe it or not, I used to be quite the hopeless romantic. Still am, in some ways more than others. (I mean, I'm an English Literature student so I kinda have to be.) But I'd also say I'm a very monogamous person, and I like being in relationships more than I do being single. But being single for over two years now I've become used to having my own company, and not having to endure stupid arguments at 1am, or having to go through the turmoil of finding a present to get them for Christmas or their birthdays. I used to spend ages in shops looking for things to get my significant other when I realised that materialistic things, such as buying each other gifts, shouldn't show how much you love each other. Love should be more than that. Or maybe I'm just old-fashioned. Who knows. But I don't think love should be a representation of how much or how little you've bought someone something, just like I don't think love should be something people are scared of. But we're humans so, fuck it.
I've only ever been in love twice. Once when I was thirteen and the second time when I was fifteen, and seeing as though I'm no longer with those people it's clear to see it didn't work out. And that's alright! Things don't work out, that's just how the world works. But, it doesn't mean it still didn't leave a mark. Hence why I haven't bothered finding another relationship since those two relationships ended - I've decided I carry a lot of baggage and unfortunately, some people don't want to have the opportunity of having to deal with it. Which is fine also. I'm a big girl. I know how to deal with rejection. (Unfortunately.)
But, thinking over these past few days...I've realised that I only ever think about the bad things of a relationship, like the pointless arguments, like the buying stupid presents for each other only to lose interest in said presents a few months later, like the fear of them leaving and not giving you a proper reason as to why. And I thought to remember all the good things - making memories, introducing your family to them, making each other laugh, going out together, planning a future together. And it made me realise that I'm still that hopeless romantic deep down, but just well hidden. Very well hidden in fact.(Since any sight of PDA in public from a couple makes me retch with disgust.)
And it made me think about the concept of love: what is love? Why do people long so much for it? Is it because we're scared to be lonely? I'm lonely. I don't mind admitting that I'm lonely. Sometimes I lay in bed and I crave someone just ringing me up and talking to me until the early morning until I fall asleep on the phone (which only leads to a hefty phone bill) but then I realise that that's unrealistic, and I watch some YouTube videos and eventually fall asleep. The bottom line is, people have this expectation of love being magical and life-changing and giving you another perspective on someone's life, but it's anything but. It's so hard to find someone that loves you the way you love them, and I think it's sad that some people in this world (like me) can't find someone to love them because they're scared they won't get loved back. But, it's not like in the movies. This is a reality. And the reality is that love isn't all that it cracks up to be. Therefore, in my opinion, love as a concept is a scary, scary thing. It can make or break how you live your life, how you see the world, how you see romance movies, how you see couples walking down the street, how you see your own thoughts and opinions on love.
I don't think I'll change my opinions about the concept of love until someone comes along and makes me consider changing them - and until that day comes, I'll just stay the same old baggage-carrying, cold-hearted anonymous hopeless romantic to which I am today. And that's cool! Keeps things exciting, right?
Stay happy,
-E xo
Believe it or not, I used to be quite the hopeless romantic. Still am, in some ways more than others. (I mean, I'm an English Literature student so I kinda have to be.) But I'd also say I'm a very monogamous person, and I like being in relationships more than I do being single. But being single for over two years now I've become used to having my own company, and not having to endure stupid arguments at 1am, or having to go through the turmoil of finding a present to get them for Christmas or their birthdays. I used to spend ages in shops looking for things to get my significant other when I realised that materialistic things, such as buying each other gifts, shouldn't show how much you love each other. Love should be more than that. Or maybe I'm just old-fashioned. Who knows. But I don't think love should be a representation of how much or how little you've bought someone something, just like I don't think love should be something people are scared of. But we're humans so, fuck it.
I've only ever been in love twice. Once when I was thirteen and the second time when I was fifteen, and seeing as though I'm no longer with those people it's clear to see it didn't work out. And that's alright! Things don't work out, that's just how the world works. But, it doesn't mean it still didn't leave a mark. Hence why I haven't bothered finding another relationship since those two relationships ended - I've decided I carry a lot of baggage and unfortunately, some people don't want to have the opportunity of having to deal with it. Which is fine also. I'm a big girl. I know how to deal with rejection. (Unfortunately.)
But, thinking over these past few days...I've realised that I only ever think about the bad things of a relationship, like the pointless arguments, like the buying stupid presents for each other only to lose interest in said presents a few months later, like the fear of them leaving and not giving you a proper reason as to why. And I thought to remember all the good things - making memories, introducing your family to them, making each other laugh, going out together, planning a future together. And it made me realise that I'm still that hopeless romantic deep down, but just well hidden. Very well hidden in fact.(Since any sight of PDA in public from a couple makes me retch with disgust.)
And it made me think about the concept of love: what is love? Why do people long so much for it? Is it because we're scared to be lonely? I'm lonely. I don't mind admitting that I'm lonely. Sometimes I lay in bed and I crave someone just ringing me up and talking to me until the early morning until I fall asleep on the phone (which only leads to a hefty phone bill) but then I realise that that's unrealistic, and I watch some YouTube videos and eventually fall asleep. The bottom line is, people have this expectation of love being magical and life-changing and giving you another perspective on someone's life, but it's anything but. It's so hard to find someone that loves you the way you love them, and I think it's sad that some people in this world (like me) can't find someone to love them because they're scared they won't get loved back. But, it's not like in the movies. This is a reality. And the reality is that love isn't all that it cracks up to be. Therefore, in my opinion, love as a concept is a scary, scary thing. It can make or break how you live your life, how you see the world, how you see romance movies, how you see couples walking down the street, how you see your own thoughts and opinions on love.
I don't think I'll change my opinions about the concept of love until someone comes along and makes me consider changing them - and until that day comes, I'll just stay the same old baggage-carrying, cold-hearted anonymous hopeless romantic to which I am today. And that's cool! Keeps things exciting, right?
Stay happy,
-E xo
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